Cutting back

I have way too many distractions...

Medicine. Photography. Guitar. Friends. Workout. Finishing my book. Catching up on movies. Making my way through the bunch of new CDs that I got...

I'm finding it harder and harder to squeeze in all those interests into a 24-hr day, even if I don't sleep all that much. 

And even if I'm at each "station", my mind wanders. Rarely can I focus on just one thing at a time. Call me hypomanic. 

But above all, I feel like I'm not giving enough devotion to what I really should be doing above all else - medicine. Last year, as part of my mental shape-up to survive the year as an Internal Medicine resident, I've grew accustomed to looking at work as just simply that - work, and basically went through the whole year somewhat detached, disengaged, to what I am learning and the people I was helping. 

Slowly, this year after my switch to Family Medicine, I realized that I had it all wrong. Almost too late, but good thing I still have more than a year of training left. 

Residency in medicine isn't about work. It's not a job. It's about learning opportunities. It's more for me than it is for the hospitals and staffs I work for. They can do just fine, but it'll be good for me if I do it for them, so that I can learn. 

I stopped seeking learning opportunities a long time ago, soon after I decided that I wasn't in the correct specialty last year and that I was just riding it out until I decide what to do with my life. I stopped feeling excited to start each new rotation. In fact, like a few of my fellow classmates, all we wanted to do was get work over with, and go home. 

Slowly, and thanks to the new class of keen residents I've met in my Family Medicine program, I'm remembering that I'm still here to learn, not to work. In Family Med, we have a mere 2 years to pick up all we need to know to feel confident to start, and to have enough foundation to grow into a lifetime of more learning, self-directed style. 

I've seen many inspirational efforts from my fellow residents this year. How they list out all their cases, how they seek new hands-on opportunities, how they critically assess all that they have learned so that they can mature rapidly in this difficult field. 

Surviving in family medicine may not be too difficult, because most illnesses are not immediately deadly. But to be a damn good family doctor is quite a different story, and takes lots of dedication and motivation, and quite possibly harder than being the expert on just one field. I know, for I've been on both sides of the fence to some extend. 

Now I'm doing my Obstetrical rotation at Peace Arch Hospital in White Rock. I'm honestly quite weak in Obstetrics, for it's been 2 years since I've touched a baby. So far I haven't been as keen as I should have been in order to gain competence in it. I've decided that I need to trim down my interests. All those other hobbies are fine, but should take a back seat to my learning. I'm trying to adapt a new routine where I will submit myself to at least 1-2 hours of reading after work in a coffee shop before I go home. This is so that when I'm home, I can feel rested, and not have to "catch up" on what I'm supposed to learn that day. This way, I'll also be able to reserve half and hour or so of time for myself and my other interests. And for about 1 day a week, spend more time at it. Pacing myself, so that when I'm at work, I don't have the urge to finish up and go home quick. I can stay there, observe, learn, do. 

It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity after all.