Who am I?

Lost. Silent. Drifting. Floating.

I'm losing myself. Day by day.

I've been lost for some time now. Haven't yet been found. Not really sure where to start.

Who am I? What is my identity? What lies in my future?

I'm coming near the end of one stage of my life. About to embark on another. And yet I've never been so lost.

Directionless. Compass-less. More self-doubt than I have ever experienced before.

Sometimes there are moments of inspirations. From people around me, from stories that I've read, from rare glimpse of clarity in my head when I thought I finally wrapped around my internal struggles.

But those quickly fades, as I continue to wrestle with internal struggles of pride, of greed, of ideologies and sometimes fantasies, of adjustable realities and perhaps achievable dreams.

I kind of know what I want, though not really in words. But they don't all match up. I've been having trouble putting everything in its place.

And yet I grow older still. Life awaits.

I'm terrible at letting things go. I chose of life of uncertainty and yet I am too coward to face it. I aspirate to play the role of an inspiring adventurer but yet I'm too chicken-shit to live it out confidentlly.

I want to believe that things will just be okay. But I'm not a believer.

It's becoming harder to take each step forward. There is still so much to learn, so much to improve on. But yet I am lacking focus. I sit and read and none of the contents are being filed neatly into my memory bank. They are all jumbled up, mushed up into a pile of shit that makes me feel I'm stuck and can read no more.

And then I just sit there. Pondering away. What should I do now?

Crossroads. So many crossroads. I never know how to cross them and enjoy it.

My voice has grew weaker. My eyes less confident. My steps less solid. My grips are loose.

It's becoming harder to wake up each morning. I lie around much longer in bed, with my radio blasting each morning's news until I cared about them no more.

Tic tac tic tac. The clock of life goes on ticking.

But my mind stays silently still.