On the other side of the table.

Yesterday I went for a little medical procedure. Nothing much, just a little test. And thankfully everything was alright. But every time I was on the receiving end of medical care (and thankfully, it hasn't been too many), it's always a reminder of what it feels like when you're the vulnerable patient, at the liberty of the health care professionals looking after you.

A colleague used to say, "remember what it feels like when you're sick, cause that's how you build empathy".

Very true. Even as I lie there on the stretcher, waiting for my test, looking around the room surveying the faces or other patients coming in. Some where scared. Some looked lost. Some recovering and still groggy. I waited, patiently, remembering to smile when my nurse comes to me. She look stressed. Overworked again, I bet. She came to start an IV. Would it hurt? I thought. I hate needles. I don't mind giving them, but I hate needles.

She was very good. Popped and it went in. Thank you, I smiled. How was your day? She didn't answer. She was distracted by another patient who just rolled in to the recovery room.

Then my doctor came. I've met him once already before. Super nice guy. Warm smile. Kind manner. I notices he pushes his own patients into the procedure room. Chatting with them as he goes. That's a good approach. Do a little bit of your "dirty" work. It shows that you're not just some big shot waiting for others to do everything for you. It makes you kinder, more personable. I should remember that.

The whole thing went very well. He was polite and attentive again in the end, although I don't really remember much of it.

It's funny, but I always thought consultants are often arrogant jerks who have lost all their kindness through their grueling years of training and over-extended schedules. And in my position I have every reason to think so. Most phone calls I make in the ER to consults are min-battles. They would almost universally frown when I identify myself. "Hi, this is Keith Tang from ER, sorry to bother you, but I have a patient I need to ask you to see..." Growl.

Usually, I would just ignore it and continue to pitch my case. Consultants who I work with usually know I go as far as I should before I call them. I seldom deliver them crap cases. One even went as far as to say that I think like an internist (well, I started my training as one) and would put them out of their job if I keep doing all their work for them. I know they are busy. So I try to run with the ball as far as I should. But we all have other priorities, and mine is to keep my department humming along without much delay. But to them, every phone call usually means more work for them, just another name to add to the bottom of the list of their never ending on-call day.


But these mini-battles add up. And soon I start to forget, they they are doctors too, and they do it because they care, and very often, they are actually very, very nice. And they care about their work, a lot.

There was one doctor who really stood out on this point. He was an ENT consultant at one of my hospitals. Frankly, he is almost universally disliked among my peers. When we are on shift, we frown when we see his name listed as the on-call staff for the day. Phone calls with him are never pleasant. One time he told me he was at a wedding and needed me to hurry with with my call as the bride was about to walk down the aisle. He's on call, for god's sake. Then finally, one day, I met this doctor. In person, he was every bit as condescending, blunt, and arrogant. However, everything changed when I watched him interact with a patient. He was kind, and gentle, and showed great care. I don't believe it was an act. I think he genuinely cared. Yes his bedside manner was polished, but one has to be a decent person to whip that out on the spot like that.

In the medical arena, it is easy to build up animosity towards your colleagues. When all you see is their name on a chart or on a call list, and in the context of meaning more work and headache for you, their name never seems to shine in that light. But more often, doctors are nice people, and they genuinely work hard for their patients and is almost always thoughtful for them.

It is a good reminder, however, that this is likely how others see me as well. As much as I think I put my heart into this, I'm sure on paper I would often come off as equally stupid, incompetent, and annoying to those who have to pick up the chart from me. So the lesson here is to always be kind, and to hopefully document accordingly with thoughtfulness. And to give others the benefit of the doubts. Most doctors put in a good effort, and sometimes we just don't see that when we feel they left us with more work. Every time I have the benefit of actually observing my colleagues at work, I am always impressed by their knowledge, professionalism, and manners. I experienced that first hand today, from someone whom I was used to using as a a consultant and receiving consultation reports on. I'll never look at his name in that negative light again. But the same should probably go for all the other consultants I work with.