Cutting back

I have way too many distractions...

Medicine. Photography. Guitar. Friends. Workout. Finishing my book. Catching up on movies. Making my way through the bunch of new CDs that I got...

I'm finding it harder and harder to squeeze in all those interests into a 24-hr day, even if I don't sleep all that much. 

And even if I'm at each "station", my mind wanders. Rarely can I focus on just one thing at a time. Call me hypomanic. 

But above all, I feel like I'm not giving enough devotion to what I really should be doing above all else - medicine. Last year, as part of my mental shape-up to survive the year as an Internal Medicine resident, I've grew accustomed to looking at work as just simply that - work, and basically went through the whole year somewhat detached, disengaged, to what I am learning and the people I was helping. 

Slowly, this year after my switch to Family Medicine, I realized that I had it all wrong. Almost too late, but good thing I still have more than a year of training left. 

Residency in medicine isn't about work. It's not a job. It's about learning opportunities. It's more for me than it is for the hospitals and staffs I work for. They can do just fine, but it'll be good for me if I do it for them, so that I can learn. 

I stopped seeking learning opportunities a long time ago, soon after I decided that I wasn't in the correct specialty last year and that I was just riding it out until I decide what to do with my life. I stopped feeling excited to start each new rotation. In fact, like a few of my fellow classmates, all we wanted to do was get work over with, and go home. 

Slowly, and thanks to the new class of keen residents I've met in my Family Medicine program, I'm remembering that I'm still here to learn, not to work. In Family Med, we have a mere 2 years to pick up all we need to know to feel confident to start, and to have enough foundation to grow into a lifetime of more learning, self-directed style. 

I've seen many inspirational efforts from my fellow residents this year. How they list out all their cases, how they seek new hands-on opportunities, how they critically assess all that they have learned so that they can mature rapidly in this difficult field. 

Surviving in family medicine may not be too difficult, because most illnesses are not immediately deadly. But to be a damn good family doctor is quite a different story, and takes lots of dedication and motivation, and quite possibly harder than being the expert on just one field. I know, for I've been on both sides of the fence to some extend. 

Now I'm doing my Obstetrical rotation at Peace Arch Hospital in White Rock. I'm honestly quite weak in Obstetrics, for it's been 2 years since I've touched a baby. So far I haven't been as keen as I should have been in order to gain competence in it. I've decided that I need to trim down my interests. All those other hobbies are fine, but should take a back seat to my learning. I'm trying to adapt a new routine where I will submit myself to at least 1-2 hours of reading after work in a coffee shop before I go home. This is so that when I'm home, I can feel rested, and not have to "catch up" on what I'm supposed to learn that day. This way, I'll also be able to reserve half and hour or so of time for myself and my other interests. And for about 1 day a week, spend more time at it. Pacing myself, so that when I'm at work, I don't have the urge to finish up and go home quick. I can stay there, observe, learn, do. 

It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity after all. 

James Blunt in Concert

It's the second time I've experienced it. The first time was Damien Rice, this time was James Blunt. 

One man. One voice. So powerful. 

How can one voice be so powerful. It moves an entire arena full of people. It makes people forget their worries. It makes the grumpiest of the grumpies relax and sway. 

And grumpy we could have been. 

As seems so typical of high powered performances nowadays (take Madonna's for example, from what I've read), pop stars are used to starting their shows late. I believe Madonna started her 7:30 show at 9 something. This time, James didn't take on the stage until a little past 8:45. What filled the gap between the opening at 7:30 and his appearance was a mediocre band called White Falcon. They filled in the space when people wandered in late, went for beers, or just sat and mingled. Poor them. They performed well, but they were no James Blunt. 

And the the stage crew took on a longer-than-expected stage-change time, unvieling an amazingly unexpected electronic backdrop in the middle of GM Place. I didn't even see the capabilities of the backdrop until well into the show when it expanded and lid up all sorts of ways. It was amazing. The lasers. The flashes. The crystal balls. 

The man who stood as the center of attention for more than two hours capativating the audience with nothing more than just his rusty, powerful and amazing resilient voice. 

I dunno if it's the lights, the smoke, the mike tuning, but it all sounds so much more intense when he takes the stage. I had already felt anxious about the late start, for I have to get up early tomorrow and will be on call through the night so I didn't want the show to start too late. I was worried. I almost just wanted to get it over with and go home. 

And then he came out, and I forgot I had to sleep early tonight. 

Despite having only two CDs, it was enough. All his songs were so much better live, and he was singing with so much more soul than in his albums. He was a real entertainer, too. He knows how to work the crowds, who don't need much working, because we already loved him. 

Thanks, to Amy and her keen ticketing skills, we got floor tickets for the show (my first time on GM place's floor!!!). It was amazing. I was double-lucky because despite not allowing "cameras" (in quotation because it seems that only LARGE cameras like mine were prohibited), the man at the door listened to my pled ("....but I ALWAYS take pictures in concerts...!") and let me tuck my D80 and the LARGE LENS in. It was awesome. I love concert photos. I wanted to capture every moment so that I can saviour it later on. 

Concerts are always worth the money. It often doesn't seem so before the show. But once you're in it, it makes you forget. It's why we go to entertainments. We need to be entertained beyond what we're capable of ourselves. 

And the last act, when James ended with disco-like lighting and party papers raining down on our floor-folks, it was quite a scene. It was a real party, right up to the very end. 

James Blunt, GM Place, Vancouver, November 17th, 2008. 

Here are a few shots from that night. Gonna upload newleaf gallery soon with a few more. 

In the end, they released a bunch of party paper strips that rained down on us. The finale was amazing. 

Quantum of chaos

Just came back from watching the new Bond movie, Quantum of Solace with Lawrence and Wen Wen. It just came our this past Thursday. We waited more than an hour in line to get in so that we don't get stuck at the very front like how we always do. 

It was fun. But the last one was better. I guess that was expected. 

Fast, chaotic, and at times outright confusing, this was more about Bond going on a rampage with intentionally orchestrated chaotic chase and fight scenes that sent even the quickest eyes wondering who's chasing who now. The camera work is intense, almost as if taking a page out of home-made video action flicks. It started off with an intense car-chase that saw little of the car and everything else, and followed by many more scenes like that. They're entertaining, but at times I found that I had to squint just to let my eyes rest a little. 

And it seemed that the movie was as much about hidden agendas as it is about the main plot. In fact, I thought the main plot was rather thin. The focus was clearly on the action in this one. There was little tension as to when the bad guy was gonna lose. because, well, quite frankly, you don't really know who's the real bad guy (and there haven't been enough of development of the story for you to really care). 

And there was very little gadgets. But I guess that's the direction of this franchise now. I was quite impressed with the itouch-like computers that they use. Inspiration to get an iphone?

All in all I thought it was a fun 2 hours. I have the craving to watch the last one again just to put the pieces together. It's an entertaining flick, even if it wasn't as good as the last one or as epic as Dark Knight had been (even after having seen it twice). 

Lost in TV

Ahh... I know I shouldn't have done it. It would ruin my life patterns. 

But man is it gripping. 

About a week ago my parents found my stash of "LOST Season 1" DVD in my room as they were looking for something to watch...

The rest is a full week of not really doing anything else at night but glued to episodes after episodes of gripping suspense (some of which I have already seen, but man it's so tempting...). 

It totally ruined my routines. Gotta get back to the books. So much to do. 

Yet I'm so weak. That music just pulls you in...

Gotta refrain. Or at least learn to set limits...

So weak. So weak. 

(Gotta go find Season 2 this weekend). 

Canucks 1 Coyotes 0

Canucks 1 Coyotes 0

Not a lot of goals, but it was still amazing. I don't go to hockey games very often, for they are pretty expensive, but every time I go I really feel the magic of being in the arena. It's quite different than watching it on TV. It's like being in a party room with 18 000 people, all united with the same ambition, to watch their home team win. Tonight I brought my parents to the game together with Edmond. After not having watched a single game since coming back to Vancouver last year (and went through 4 years in Toronto without going to one), I was determined to get my hands on a few difficult-to-get tickets. Luckily, the BC Medical Association releases a few discounted tickets at the beginning of the year and I locked up some. I really like taking my parents to the game. For Dad, it's a typical guy feeling to share the excitement of a sport with him. For Mom, who doesn't know the game well but enjoys watching it from time to time with us when we dominate the TV channel, it's a real treat. She knows enough when to cheer and the basic rules from driving us to and from minor hockey games with the other hockey moms when we were young. And she loves excitement. So naturally, it doesn't matter who the player is, she cheers as excitedly at good plays. She's had her share of favorite players, among them the diplomatic Trevor Linden and Markus Naslund. 

I always find it an interesting feeling when I go to see famous people perform, whether it be hockey players, race car drivers, or singers. It's always a bit of a shock to see them in person, because they would look, well quite frankly and a little disappointingly... very dully human. For almost all other times of the year, these people are portrayed larger-than-life. They're idols. They're heroes. They are the rich and famous and they might as well be from Mars. They hang with super models and they live in mansions. But up close, they somehow actually looked kinda small. Life-sized, and from afar even pocket-sized, it seems. How can individuals accomplish so much, have so much effect on others, when they are simply just like the everyman. When they get sick they still need a doctor. When they're upset they still cry. They laugh. They eat and sleep just like we do. It's.. not such a big deal for them to go about their lives. 

But I still get inspired watching them. Because even though they are just human, they somehow have consistently performed at such an almost-perfect level in their work that has gotten them to where they are today. It's that thrive for

 perfection and dedication that inspires me. I look at myself, today as a doctor, and most people would expect the same devotion that got me where I am today. But I crumple in comparison. My days seem so much more trivial. But could that be? It's not that I look at my work lightly, because it isn't. But somehow, I just feel small. 

It's good to be inspired by others who are so great. It makes me demand more of myself. I look around today at the game, and saw lots of wide-eyed kids. My mom mentioned how those parents are so generous to pay such high prices to bring their kids to the games. I thought to myself, for sure I will too, in the future. I want them to be inspired just like I did. 

I want them to have heros too.

Some shots from tonight's game. Apparently they don't let anyone use a zoom larger than 75mm on their camera on the lower floor. How disappointing! I could only get my shots from our nosebleed sections up above. But the angle of view was quite decent.  You can see the rest of my pictures on my facebook site.

Obama day

(from Brazil)

With the US election over, there's been a lot of optimism and seemingly lighter spirits that I've noticed around work today. A lot of it is hype, I'm sure, for nobody knows if he can really deliver the "change" he promise so much during such difficult circumstances that he's stepping into. And even that, just exactly what this "change" is I'm not really sure. During political campaigns, everything becomes so emotionally charged that you don't really know what actual promises were made, and what each leader is really setting out to do. Time will tell in terms of what he does for America and for the world, but at least we're start off on a more positive note. 

In the globe today there's a cute little section that showcases some of the newspaper headliners from around the world. I love reading headliners. It gives me a glimpse into how the rest of the world is feeling about this event. As you can see, most papers appear to openly embrace this "change". I remember that just 4 years ago, when most of us (at least myself) were so disappointed that John Kerry fell apart in his campaign and lost to Bush, one of the major headliners the next day listed, with big bold letters, "FOUR MORE YEARS". Well 4 years are over now, and this time, the tone is much brighter. Much more promise. 

Congratulations Barak Obama. I'm eager to see what you can do. With time.

(Canada)

(Florida)

(Chicago)

Smooth as silk

Smooth as silk. 

My shifting is seamless again. What a relief. 

I've always loved everything about car. In fact, when a friend asked me for some "objective" criticism of it, all I could muscle out was a few vague comments on "oh.. the seats are a bit stiff after long rides..." and such. Hardly objective. My friend ended up buying her own Si within a week. She loves it, too. 

But there's always been one, pardon the expression in light of my recent injury, Achilles' heel. As a factory defect, the 3rd gear synchro in the otherwise amazingly tight and accurate 6-speed gearbox tend to catch, especially at slower speeds in cold weather. At times it would not engage, and if I'm careless (as I've been initially), the gear would "pop back out", sending my gearbox into a split-second grind, sending a shiver up my spine. I did that a few times occasionally, and since then I've been quite apprehensive about shifting into 3rd gear. I would keep my force on the stick nice and form, feel the click, then release the clutch, hoping that it would not pop out. Every shift became a slight scare, and a relief when it engaged successfully. It greatly impacted my shifting time, and deterred (however mildly) my driving excitement. 

My friend Lawrence, thought his ventures on online civic blogs, came up with a Honda bulletin promising a fix. It required a complete transmission strip down (not far off from the emotional context I would expect from being asked to physically strip down myself). They promised to replace the 3rd gear synchro, a fix that should rectify the problem. Worried, I brought my car in for the "tranny transplant". 

So far so good. 

The 3rd gear now seems smooth again, as it swishes into the slot nicely upon soft pressure. There's even a nice soft sound when it engages, and I think I can feel confident again. It's still early in my testing, but I'm hopeful that the problem would disappear. It's a lovely little gearbox, the Honda 6-speed on the FG2. An amazing little box it is. 

Click. Smiles. Click. Smiles. Click. Still smiles. 

Olympic crazy

We're about to drop over $2500 as a family in Olympic tickets for the upcoming 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver/Whistler. A set of opening ceremony tics, a pair of gold medal ice hockey games, and a bunch of quarter-final or preliminary games as well as a few figure skating ones for my parents. Of course it all depends on whether we get the tickets through the lottery system, but I figured even if I have tickets left over, it shouldn't be too much trouble getting rid of them (probably at market price, as my ethical friend Queenie would demand). After missing out on this summer's amazing Beijing opening ceremony, I'm sure my mom would love to go to this one even if it is pale in comparison. Hopefully we can get these tickets. It's a tad early, but the olympic craze is rising a little before the November 7th deadline for requests. 

Today I simplified the title of my blog back to 'newleaf'. I felt the extension 'life' felt a little melodramatic. Newleaf is newleaf. No need to spice it up or brand it. It has all the meaning it needs. 

Working again tomorrow. The last four days off from ER shifts had been like a mini-vacation. I hadn't opened a book since Thursday, and already I feel that my medicine is rusty. Medicine is so hard to become fluent in!

Extending new life.

It all started with a bit of impulsive radical reworking of my 4-year project of newleaf. I wanted to wipe everything. A clean slate. A new beginning. All that stuff. 

Newleaf started in 2004, when I was a first year medical student living in a dorm room in Toronto with my newly acquired digital camera (the well-loved Canon A70). It began following inspirations from the likes of 'daily dose of imagery' and 'shutterbug from tracy' photoblogs. I wanted to document my world through my eyes. But more than anything I wanted a place to make use of the hundreds of digital photos I could now generate by no longer using film. 

Plus I love to write, although I am not much of a writer. But I 

like to put words to my photos, instead of just the picture itself. In addition, I wanted a place to showcase some of my works, sort of a virtual gallery per se (I figured it'll be quite a while before I can really hold an actual gallery with REAL prints, if ever). Newleaf was where my visual imagination could run wild. My hidden graphic designer meet aspirating doctor. It never became really big, but through my few very dear and loyal friends, it stayed alive. Life could never allow me to upload it everyday anymore, but occasionally I still find comfort with having a place for myself to post. My thoughts, my works, my freedom. 

But as my friend Kenny pointed out, Newleaf gradually became more of a writing blog than a photoblog. I guess I just had too many things to say than a simple picture could provide (how

 ironic that a picture could not tell as many words). I started building a habit of using a string of photos to form a visual essay, but more and more I found the old format limiting. I could not portrait the story as I would like. The old page also felt too "clean". It was too much of a gallery for my liking, and not enough randomness.  Things felt too, well, controlled. 

But as is so typical of my character, to think that I can part with a virtual gallery that ran for 4 years is fooling myself. I was torn. I have limited time to upkeep my blog, and the old newleaf clearly serves a different purpose. I just needed a less controlled space. To scream, to laugh, to express. As such, I've decided to make this blog an extension of newleaf, to be called 'Newleaf Life, a lifeblog', to be used as a collection of regular photos, regular writings, all that stuff. This will be the place where I'll be doing the most update. Whereas the original newleaf I'll keep as purely my virtual gallery for designated photos. It's got a much more tranquil atmosphere there. Perfect for showcasing one or two special pictures, not a whole host of every random thought under the sun as you may see here. 

I hope this new format works. As you can see, I'm already writing a lot more. I hope you like what you see. Here. Everywhere. 

Happy Halloween!

October 31st, 2008. Halloween night. 

Not since early high school did I had this much fun on Halloween night. It was amazing. The atmosphere, the jollyness, the smoke, the candy, the lights. It all came back to me, on this very night when I went trick-or-treating (yes, I did) and walked around a lively neighborhood with three of my good friends acting as if we were twelve again. 

And it was extra special because it was the first time I actually dressed up in what can be called a complete costume. In fact, I had not intend to dress up until about 5 minutes before leaving the house to meet with friends tonight. It took some convincing on their part, but I'm glad I listened. 

When I was a child, Halloween was a very liberating experience. It was the only night when surely everywhere, kids ruled the night streets. There is no other night when we were freed to roam around the night among just kids and not adults, and free to go wherever we wished, and stayed out almost as late as we reasonably could. Yes there were rules, but the night was also for inching as closed to breaking them as possible. Fireworks and firecrackers lit up the sky with smoke everywhere. We screamed, we ran. Yes we woke up the neighbours. That was the point. They shouldn't have been sleeping so early anyway. 

High on candy, we would explore our neighbourhood with friends to as many dark places as we could venture to. Everybody was part of a posse, and we swaggled down the middle of the streets like a bunch of gangsters not afraid of anything. And wherever we went, people would give us candies. Try thinking of another night that is as wild as this for a bunch of kids. 

And then somehow, over time, Halloween died. 

Over the last ten years, our streets have became much more quiet. Kids don't go out trick-or-treating that much anymore, and definitely not as late for those who do. If they go, parents have to supervise them for safety concerns. For simplicity's sake, most houses would choose to "opt out" of the Halloween party by turning off their lights and never even giving out a single candy. The nights no longer belonged to all the kids, but it seemed only to those who would truly walk around looking for trouble, damaging properties and causing crime, and giving Halloween a bad rep that took the fun away from the rest of us. 

Drive around Vancouver tonight and you won't find too many neighborhoods that are as lively as they were ten years ago. Richmond, especially, has almost no atmosphere left. You could hardly tell that it was October 31st here. Nono, it's just another night in this city. Just another night when kids drive around, NOT in costumes, and go about their marry ways to tea shops or KTV places. 

Show me the candy. 

But tonight we seemed to have discovered a hidden jewel, and I dare speculate one of the last remaining lively neighbourhoods in Vancouver on Halloween night. We went to an area around Dunbar and 49th Ave, away from the busier parts of the city, and buoyed by one very spectacularly decroated "Ghost House" that succesfully attracted kids (and young adults) from everywhere in the city. Pulling into the sub-division, it was like entering the Richmond Night Market. Roads were congested, and cars were everywhere. But with these cars came flocks of creatively dressed kids and young people, all excited about the night to come and most once again high on sugar (and whatever else). Kids roam the streets again, and although most of them accompanied by parents, well it was a much lighter atmosphere there tonight. People were jolly again, people were lose, people were having fun. Fireworks in the distance created the perfect smoky background for a mysterious night, and laughter and night lights filled the air with energy. I felt a kid again. I joked, I stomped, I waggled my way down the middle of the streets. 

And it helped that I think I had one of the more popular costumes of the night. I was Waldo, from the popular "Where's Waldo" children's picture book. 

It all started with a joke. I had recently brought a nice Abecrombe and Fitch golf-tee with red and white stripes and when I first wore it in front of my friends, it elicited the consistent response "wow you look like Waldo!". I didn't mind, for I loved that T-shirt, and Waldo isn't so bad. Gradually, it became an idea that I should be Waldo for Halloween. However, I have never truly dressed up, and the thought of looking silly didn't quite appealed to me. I was going to just put it to rest and forget about it. 

Then Wen Wen and Lawrence persisted in convincing me to do it. So I thought, while i'm still young, might as well see what it's like to dress up. 

Luckily, when I looked up Waldo on the internet to check on his detailed appearance, I realized I had a lot of the stuff to pull it off. The critical factor was the red and white tuque. Luckily, digging through my closet I found the perfect piece, and old Canada tuque that I once had long ago. I got my diving goggles, my binoculars, my camera, my backpack with a sleeping mat, and even a walking stick. I was set. 

It was awesome. As I walked down the street with my 5-minute costume, I earned remarks from everyone I saw. "Hey I found Waldo!". "Hey Waldo!". People were taking pictures of me. Japanese tourists were pointing at me. Girls waved, and guys laughed. I have never felt more popular in my life, and all I had to do was get into a ridiculous costume with various contrasting gadgets hanging around my neck. 

Tonight, I'm sure pictures of me will surface all over the internet and facebook. It was really quite fun, all the attention. 

I told them that next year I might dress up again. This could become addicting. 

I hope Halloween will always be this fun. This is the way it should be. This tradition should never die, no matter how old we are, or how old our world is. 

Gateway to the old world.

As a link to the old newleaf, which from now on will be designated mainly as a virtual gallery of my works, I will include the weblink below and also a the side bar. Check it out often, there's a lot of stuff I liked in there. 

http://newleaf.my-expressions.com