Stay West, Stay True

How long has it been since I sent a day like this?

Sitting here, at a coffee-shop in Kits, staring at the rain outside, at 1:51pm in the afternoon.

It's refreshing. It's relaxing.

It makes me feel that everything's gonna be alright. That everything IS alright.

Suddenly, I feel the urge to write my blog again. It's been months since that last happened.

I need more days like this...


It's been a few months now since I've started working as an independent doctor. Last time I wrote in my blog it was the eve of my first shift alone. I was silently nervous, and nervously confident. I didn't know what awaited me the next day, or how able I would be to cope.

It's funny. The anticipation is often worse than the actual deed.

Well, three months have gone and I don't think I necessarily harmed anyone (at least not knowingly anyway). I think it's been alright. It's amazing how you just let your training take over, and for the most part what protects you from the unknown is your sense of due diligence to your patients and your conservatism. When I was in doubt I often take a step back and think out loud with my parents. I think they appreciate that. Most patients now are so used to getting routine knee-jerk medicine, that they really appreciate when someone actually listens to them, care to hear their stories again, and actually tries to think through the possibilities. Even if the outcome is the same (which is often the case), I'm quite surprised how many thanked me profusely for it.

Of course you cannot do that with all your patients, because with the volume in family medicine, you would just get burnt out. I can appreciate how over time family doctors lose their patience with people, and lose their sense of care. Three months fresh, I already find myself cutting shorter the seemingly "easy" visits to buy myself some sanity for the trickier ones. And overtime you grow more confident in doing so. But it's been good, to be making your own decisions on the spot, and then stop dwelling on this case, and moving on.

It's also quite amazing how a person's work satisfaction is closely tied to his pay. Working as a family doctor locum doesn't make you rich, but it does pay quite nicely if you work hard enough. Immediately, though, I noticed the instant gratification when I leave home each day tired but with the knowledge that I made decent money. Over the course of a month, it's nice to see that your bank account looking pretty much quicker than you've ever seen before. It makes you want to work harder. That drive for reward, for us all A-type personalities.

And that is what can easily make us lose sense of the little moments in life. I used to be king of those little moments. I used to want to live from one moment to the next. Like the knots in a hand-woven blanket, it's the little moments that make life pleasurable. And when you have a string of pretty moments in your life, you find yourself not care so much about the material satisfaction that cost money and requires you to trade in your time and some sanity.

The little moments tell you that life is already pretty peachy, and that you should try to enjoy it a little bit.

I recently brought a place in Yaletown. I had wanted to live in Kits for the longest time, and took almost a year to look for a place there, but there was no suitable property that I liked. Yaletown was the next best thing, and in terms of being an investment might be a even better choice. When I was younger, I used to imagine that if one day I could afford it, I would live in Yaletown. Location-wise it is second to none, and the property itself is quite chic. I do miss this low frills, down-to-earth west coast feeling that Kits provide for me, though. And I should remember this feeling. It's this feeling that reenergizes me after a tough day, a tough week, or a tough month. It's this feeling that make me feel whole again. It's this feeling that reminds me if I keep looking ahead and not around, I'll be missing out on life as we speak.

Capture the moments, and capture life. Thank you coffee-shop by the windown. Thank you the slow drizzle of rain outside. Thank you to the warm aroma of coffee and the soothing light chatter around. Thank you for reminding me to feel again.